Jimmy Sands, Firefighter (Retired), Deutsche Bank Fire Survivor, Webster, NY

“Carla,

People don’t realize how bad things get. People just thought I was having nightmares, and big deal, everyone has them. Well, no, not when the whole bedroom of your house turns into a floor that you were stuck on. That fire I was in did a lot of things. Guys retired over it. Guys killed themselves over it. And I’m still dealing with this trauma in my head.

As difficult as it may sound to husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, everybody; if your first responder is going through something, you need to listen to what they have to say. You can’t turn around and tell them it will get better over time. It doesn’t work that way.

What everyone should know in our first responder families is that we need to be able to sit down and explain what we’re feeling. If the family can’t handle it, I understand but we need to be able to say, ‘yeah, I have issues, and this is what’s bothering me.’

If the family members can’t listen, then we’re going to need to get help in other ways. Be there for us when we have a bad day. Family members need to do what they can to help their first responders.

We need to know we’re not alone. Nobody should think about ending their life. Things are not so bad that you have to end your life.

Some people might not know what to do, because a lot of people are under the misconception that PTSD/PTSI is people coming back from war when it’s not just that. It’s the police officer rolling up to a car crash at 3:00 am with people ejected out of a car. It’s the fireman that goes to an EMS call and the whole family’s sitting there watching them try to save their loved one’s life…and they just died and the family’s begging them to keep going. First responders don’t know that something like that can affect them, and their spouses don’t know how to react.

It’s up to the first responder to talk to their spouse. They have to talk to their girlfriend, boyfriend, or their best friend. They have to talk to them and let them know what’s going on. That’s what spouses and best friends have to do for each other.

If PTSD/PTSI is the reason for your separation or divorce, you need to listen to what’s going on here. This is probably why your relationship is failing. It’s falling apart because of what’s going on with PTSD/PTSI and the first responder, but you can put the blame wherever you want. People need to understand that this PTSD/PTSI is not something fake. This is something so serious.

Carla, by asking for people’s stories and letting them know they’re not alone, you are teaching them to get out there and get help. Plus, we all can learn to understand if somebody is having a problem and know what to do to help them.

I love what you’re doing!”

-Jimmy Sands, Firefighter (Retired), Deutsche Bank Fire Survivor, Webster, NY